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Literature Text
Sometimes I cannot sleep.
Earthquakes burrow into sheet fibres,
knees meet the radiator, the chunks clunk
then chip away, like the roller coaster thoughts
that spin around the room.
My head smacks pillows, and I remember
all the faces I scanned today,
up/down; they sighed boredom --
and had eyeballs where mattresses should be.
Fingertips feel sore, they say sorry
for touching you. I only wanted to see
what your heart felt like on the inside
but these hands did not belong
blood-drenched in you. Right then I decided --
I will never go to the dentist ever again.
He compliments my oral hygiene
as he asks me to open wide. It makes me sick
to bear my teeth like coffee cups to the world.
My spit embarrasses me, reminds me
of all the words caught inside my palate
that I could not say.
I had a dream last night. God came to me and said
‘eleven thirty and something
will happen‘. He showed me you in my room
like it was October, apple blossoms were by the window
and white strips down the walls,
and I said, ‘dear God, I am sorry
but I do not believe in you‘. And he smiled
with a grin like train tracks.
I thought of you from five PM til eleven thirty
as if you were my white-toothed miracle.
It's eleven thirty seven now
and there are only cavities
where love should be.
I thought, ‘God,
you must like to play games too’
or maybe he knew that the undersides of my skin
look like ash trays and dental floss,
or maybe he knew that I have holes
that need to be filled in,
or maybe he just knew
that I needed a reminder
of what hope really feels like.
Earthquakes burrow into sheet fibres,
knees meet the radiator, the chunks clunk
then chip away, like the roller coaster thoughts
that spin around the room.
My head smacks pillows, and I remember
all the faces I scanned today,
up/down; they sighed boredom --
and had eyeballs where mattresses should be.
Fingertips feel sore, they say sorry
for touching you. I only wanted to see
what your heart felt like on the inside
but these hands did not belong
blood-drenched in you. Right then I decided --
I will never go to the dentist ever again.
He compliments my oral hygiene
as he asks me to open wide. It makes me sick
to bear my teeth like coffee cups to the world.
My spit embarrasses me, reminds me
of all the words caught inside my palate
that I could not say.
I had a dream last night. God came to me and said
‘eleven thirty and something
will happen‘. He showed me you in my room
like it was October, apple blossoms were by the window
and white strips down the walls,
and I said, ‘dear God, I am sorry
but I do not believe in you‘. And he smiled
with a grin like train tracks.
I thought of you from five PM til eleven thirty
as if you were my white-toothed miracle.
It's eleven thirty seven now
and there are only cavities
where love should be.
I thought, ‘God,
you must like to play games too’
or maybe he knew that the undersides of my skin
look like ash trays and dental floss,
or maybe he knew that I have holes
that need to be filled in,
or maybe he just knew
that I needed a reminder
of what hope really feels like.
Literature
the Angel and the Vampire deux
So the angel entered Heaven, eternal life was entered in. But her heart was filled with longing as she wished and longed for him. She longed for that dearest love, that one she'd left behind, whose soul was in an other place, one she could not find.
To her Lord she went, her tears did freely flow, "Where is the one my heart does love, please tell me for you must know." But the Lord looked down on her; his face was grim and filled with pain. "You cannot find him child, you must not ask again." And so the erstwhile angel did mourn her long lost love,
remembering a time when unrequited love had been enough.
Long did she walk in Heaven
Literature
Cheap and Tawdry Married Love
My mother cried when I married you.
Twisted up her brothel-keeper's mouth
and bawled-
'That girl's gone and sold herself too cheap.
...And after everything I told her!'
My aunt patted her hand
Slyly reminding her how bad the deal was,
Your poor job-prospects,
The tiny diamond on the ring
Your mother had given us
Because you couldn't afford to buy one.
I paid them no heed.
Smiling, I posed for the photos
Thankful I'd escaped.
Do you see me?
Standing there beside you
In your sharp suit and your Fagin smile.
I was innocent then,
I couldn't see the flames
But I could still burn...
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I dedicate this piece to queenhrosie, who lets me appreciate the things, even those I do not believe in.
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