You couldn’t see that I fell into bathroom stalls
and sobbed against the metal door.... I am not as enamel-hard as I think.... And we just keep passing the fevers between us.

I'm not sure why, but I think that this is more saddening than your other poems... not that I've been reading them. However, I do admire this and will try to remember to read the rest you create.

this abdomen was heart-shaped
and sunken-skip-wrecked.

nice work!!

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Congrats the top winner of my N. P. Challenge, ~sweet-lyrical! Check out her entry-Dear Santa [link] !

I love your closing line. Very powerful.

"And we just keep passing the fevers between us"

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Your mother is not here to pick up after you, RECYCLE!

you always blow me away.

your imagery, your desire to be heard, your imagination, you thoughts on the page are all magnificent my friend. Kudos!

you use alot of anatomy imagery.
it makes the picture very vivid and gives it a hint of the grotesque.
lovely work

--
lex

this is more sad. and i do read 'em.

this is very nice. i love

this abdomen was heart-shaped
and sunken-skip-wrecked.

and, as someone said, all the anatomical images.

it makes me want to crack my knuckles. which i don't actually like.
but i like this poem.

You couldn’t see that I fell into bathroom stalls
and sobbed against the metal door.

^^ i love this part

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I want to speak poetry,
Like your soft lips grazing mine...
You're so beautiful...

=Ev-Fanart
*Self-InjuryClub
~LacunaCoil-Fans
~cat-club-cat
*TheGraphiteClub

i have only read this through once so i may have to amend this comment later, but i feel like this might become even more powerful if you found a way to trim it down a bit. i agree with *firoL that the closing line is extremely evocative and for some reason inexplicably sad. i love it. i also love 'i wait inside between our unhinged oceans and bloodstreams' but in my opinion it doesnt need the 'eyelids' line...

please forgive me for this clumsy intrusion onto your work, its got me interested so i wanted to have a play around...

"I did not mean to be like this -

hooking new obstacles to my arteries,
I reel them in by mouth, gathering up new ways
to help me fail.

You couldn’t see me collapse onto bathroom tiles
or decompose against cool metal doors.
the alcohol mocks me, then knuckles crack
against a crippled voice box.

I am not as enamel-hard as I pretend;
near raw nerves I cower inside,
between our unhinged oceans and
unexplored blood streams

I ruptured soft stomach muscles
straining to cope when connections splintered
deeper bones.
The doctor said anti-inflammatories
were no use, this abdomen was heart-shaped
and sunken-skip-wrecked.

And we just keep passing the fevers between us"

please forgive me! but its been fun

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~~ LiNkY lInKy LiNkY! linky LINKY liiiiiinkie [link] HEY!